I struggle with being flawed, incompetent, not good enough, not smart enough or unqualified. My natural tendencies are to tuck away my weaknesses, hide my past mistakes and go on with life. This has brought me flashbacks and the flashbacks are coming more and more frequently. I read the following post below and just knew the holy spirit wanted me to reveal my past mistake to someone, to bring it from the dark into the light.
Flashbacks are like the vomit reflex. The vomit reflex is guided and controlled by the brain and its vomiting center (the floor of the fourth ventricle in the brain). I hate the feeling of vomiting, but something needs to be purged, for the restoration of health. After vomiting, the nausea subsides. I feel better for a short time, then the nausea returns. Waves of nausea come and go, as I attempt to use my higher cortical functions to over ride my reflex. This can be likened to flashbacks. Waves of nauseous thoughts from the past come, then are suppressed by our reasoning brain. Flashbacks are negative thoughts that are not from God. How can I stop these flashbacks and purge them from my system for good? They need to come out. Therein lies the answer. The flashbacks, the past mistake that you have not talked about for years and years, needs to come out in the open, out of your body into the light. It is painful and embarrassing to talk about, but it will help you break free.
I asked my husband if he would read the article below. Afterwards, I proceeded to tearfully share of a time 14 years ago when, I accidentally, physically injured someone who I was trying to help. I felt incompetent and horrible when the event took place. The woman who I hurt forgave me and showered me with gifts, flowers and cards. She knew how terrible I felt. 14 years later, I still have not forgiven myself. The holy spirit was wooing me to purge this painful event out of dark recesses of my mind and vomit it into the healing truth of the light. As I shared my story with my husband, tears rolled down my cheeks as I relived the moment all over again. My husband shared truth with me, “Don’t let a past mistake 14 years ago define you. Look at your track record. Let it go. She forgave you, God forgave you, you need to forgive yourself.” I hugged my husband and thanked him for listening and for his helpful advice. He left the room, I locked the door and poured my thoughts out to God like an open jar of marbles, tumbling out onto the bed and floor. I knew God heard me. He wanted me to take what was hidden and bring it into the light, to purge the flashbacks and tell the truth about that day 14 years ago. I know speaking the truth to Jesus (He is the way THE TRUTH and the life) will set me free. I already feel so much better. No longer will I live under the power of a past mistake, but I am going to press on, in the full equipping of the savior. I have a whole lot of weaknesses, but that just allows God’s light to shine through the cracks even more. I pray that if you are plagued by a mistake you made in your past resulting in an injury to another, may this move you through the pain and into God’s freeing abundant grace. Thank you Lord for helping me forgive myself.
Taken from the November 17th reading in the 365-day devotional book, “Seeking Daily the Heart of God” volume 1… http://bit.ly/Tv6y9a
Even the best of leaders are flawed. Jesus Christ was the only flawless leader to ever live. The rest of us operate in the flawed category. The wise leader will acknowledge this, as his flaws loom over his life like a canopy of accountability. The smart leader uses his flaws to facilitate a closer walk with Christ. As the adversary accuses you of your flaws, agree with him. Use your flaws as an asset rather than a liability. The leader who fails to flush out his flaws into the open is pretentious and positioned for a fall. Flaws can only hurt you if they remain concealed. Exposed flaws wither in their influence under the heat of confession and repentance. This is when you go to your flawless heavenly Father and ask for His forgiveness and grace. Ask Him to use your flaws to further His Kingdom.Many times, God works through us in spite of ourselves; so, lay bare before Him your fears, insecurities, weaknesses, and flaws. Watch Him do a beautiful work of transformation. Your weaknesses become His strengths that carry out His purpose. Where you feel out of control, He is in control. He is the pilot and you are the co-pilot. Trust Him to guide you through the complex instrument panel of life. Your flaws do not surprise Him, because He knows they can keep you close to Christ. Your honest feedback to others about your flaws frees others to do the same. Pretension crumbles and honesty flourishes in a culture of self-awareness of—and openness to—one another’s flaws.
Since he himself is subject to weakness. This is why he has to offer sacrifices for his own sins, as well as for the sins of the people. Hebrews 5:2b, 3Therefore, be patient with the flaws in others. We recognize the flaws in others because they are flawed copies of ourselves. Normally, what ticks you off the most are your flaws exhibited in the life of another. Cut them some slack and learn how to use their flaws to facilitate God’s will. Allow flaws to promote relational intimacy rather than relational hostility. Flaws are friends who can lead us closer to God and closer to each other. Flaws remind us all that we are a work in progress. Flaws begin as concealed imperfections. Just as flaws lead to the shattering of an imperfect crystal under pressure, they can lead to our brokenness. Flaws make us better, if they lead to our brokenness.The world is made up of flawed people. Those who recognize and accept this use it to their advantage. Leaders have a unique opportunity to set the example in this area. Your ability to be honest about your own flaws sets the course for those you lead. Season your language with, “I am sorry that is a weakness of mine.” Or, “Please be patient with me; I am a work in progress. Details are not my strength.” Or, “Help me not to over commit. I can say yes to too many things, and fail to do any of them well.” Or lastly, “I was wrong. Please forgive me.” This honesty and transparency creates a safe environment for the authenticity of everyone. Flaws revealed lead to freedom, but flaws concealed lead to bondage. Do not project a flawless image, but one of learning, growing, and many times, struggling. Make confession and repentance a normal part of your vocabulary and behavior. Focus on the flawless leader, Jesus. He will never let you down.